How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
