speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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