My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
