I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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