I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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