My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
