She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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