You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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