It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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