he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is Oprah even human
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
