we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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