New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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