Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger