If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?