Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work