That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
