No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
