That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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