He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
