ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
