well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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