I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Swine flu is the new snow day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
