Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
