Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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