i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
