I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
