it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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