At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
