Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize