Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Green mimosas i think yes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
