Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize