My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
