Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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