I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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