hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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