When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
