i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Mom said you looked used
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
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