I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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