# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
