Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
