Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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