I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
