ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
