Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
