where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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