I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
