I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
