Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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