marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
