i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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