I skipped work to stalk him.
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
