you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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