he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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