Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
