New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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