there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
