that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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