he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
