i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Someone shattered a urinal.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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