what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
