My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
