Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
