Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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