I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
