so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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