onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
