I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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