yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
