He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
