we have pet lesbian snakes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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